You walked out of that inquest like you were on your way to a cocktail party.

Affair in Trinidad is one of those pretend film noir movies that the public seem to love more than the critics, both back then on release and also now. I was personally hoping that as a big fan of Glenn Ford, and being an admirer of Rita Hayworth, I too would be thumbing my nose at the critics. Sadly not.

Directed by Vincent Sherman and with a screenplay by Berne Gilder and James Gunn, the story is set in Trinidad and pitches Hayworth as a recently widowed nightclub dancer and Ford as the deceased man's brother. The death is suspicious and as the law closes in (in the form of Torrin Thatcher) secrets will out and a bigger picture kind of emerges.

Ok! Lets not compare to Gilda and Notorious, for obvious reasons, and just accept Affair in Trinidad as its own entity. What transpires is a tired tropical exercise in romance and spy like intrigue. In fact it's a bit of a hack job coasting in on the two leading stars reputations, Ford as a genre presence and Hayworth as some sort of ogle feature. The plot is ridiculous where nothing much makes sense. Character's motivations are sketchy at best, and once the screenplay plays its hand for reveal purpose, you wonder just where are the villains from and what exactly are they up to?! Is that explained or did I have a power nap?...

It doesn't help that head weasel Max Fabian (Alexander Scourby) is so not threatening, and boring to boot, that it renders the intended dramatic oomph at pics finale as being akin to a damp squib. Hayworth goes through the motions in the acting scenes, only holding court with her two dance numbers (voice dubbed by Jo Ann Greer), and while Ford can brood with the best of them, his character is so poorly written it doesn't let the actor shine.

As for this remotely being film noir? Not a chance, neither visually, thematically or in characterisations does it work on that film making style. Consider me bloody annoyed. 5/10